Seriously, you actually want to read this?
No Company Virtue Signaling Here!!
We hate mission statements! I think you probably agree that most of these statements are full of sycophantic bullsh#t! For example, here are a couple of quotes in mission statements that I have recently read:
“To put people at the centre of enterprise software.”
“To make digital bright and the human experience brighter.”
They are totally meaningless and basically hold no value whatsoever. I suspect you are meant to get some sort of warm fuzzy feeling when reading them but for me, the only thing they achieved was to trigger my ‘gag reflex’!
Of course, we then can add a totemic company slogan. You don’t have to look much past Google for how that can play out with their adoption of the fourth monkey (see below):
“do no evil”
That went well for them didn’t it!
Finally, you then get the social virtue signalling… we love children, are kind to animals (as a side note we have two large fish tanks, the chef assures me the fish are happy) and yes, generally, if you sign up with them, they guarantee that they will make the world a better place. Cue the music…
So, what is our mission statement then?
We want to part you from as much of your money as possible
Radical? Nah. It is exactly the same as every other company who does business with you. We just cut out the ‘virtue signalling crap’ that their objective is wrapped up in. We think we should be just upfront about it.
The thing is if we want to survive long term that also means that we have to make you ‘a ton of money’ in the process or realise whatever goals you have working with us. So, in essence, our ethos rests on a very simple ‘quid pro quo’
You are going to pay us handsomely for making you lots of money
If it eases your conscience, we do actually do care about the stuff that gives you a warm fuzzy feeling but it shouldn’t be the reason why you want to do business with us. You should work with us because we are damned good at what we do.
Oh, the monkey thing. For those who don’t know, this refers to the Three Wise Monkeys which represents a Japanese maxim ‘see on evil (Mizaru), hear no evil (Kikazaru) and speak no evil (Iwazaru)’. There is though, a fourth monkey (Shizaru ), which means ‘do no evil’